Beer Quotes

You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline - it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.
--Frank Zappa

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
—Ernest Hemingway

Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.
--Winston Churchill

He was a wise man who invented beer.
--Plato

Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.
--Catherine Zandonella

Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink.
--Lady Astor to Winston Churchill

Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it.
--His reply

If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs.
--David Daye

Work is the curse of the drinking class.
--Oscar Wilde

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
--Henny Youngman

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
--Benjamin Franklin

If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.
--Deep Thought, Jack Handy

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine
invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
--Dave Barry

The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
--Humphrey Bogart

Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine.
--David Moulton

People who drink light "beer" don't like the taste of beer; they just like to pee a lot.
--Capital Brewery, Middleton, WI

Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.
--Kaiser Wilhelm

I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.
--Homer Simpson

Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in
beer.
--Dave Barry

I drink to make other people interesting.
--George Jean Nathan

They who drink beer will think beer.
--Washington Irving

An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.
--For Whom the Bell Tolls, Ernest Hemmingway

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
--Dean Martin

All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer.
--Homer Simpson

"Brewers make wort. Yeast makes beer".
-Dave Miller's Homebrewing Guide

"This is grain, which any fool can eat, but for which the Lord intended a more divine means of consumption. Let us give praise to our maker and glory to his bounty by learning about beer."
-- Frier Tuck, in Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves

"Beer, if drank with moderation, softens the temper, cheers the spirit and promotes health."
-Thomas Jefferson

Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
- W.C. Fields

"Payday came and with it beer"
-Kipling

"You've got yoga honey, I've got beer"
-A Room Of Our Own, Billy Joel

"A poor man can't afford to buy cheap stuff"
-B.B.

Malt does more than Milton can to justify God's ways to man.
-A. E. Housman, "A Shropshire Lad"

Then to the spicy nut-brown ale!
-John Milton

All other nations are drinking Ray Charles beer and we are drinking Barry Manilow.
-Dave Barry

A man hath no better thing under the sun than to eat and drink and be merry...
-Ecclesiastes 8:15

There are more old drunkards than old doctors.
-Benjamin Franklin

"Climbing the hills in the heat, I could think of nothing but Gratz beer. Alas, there is none left!"
-Otto Von Bismarck, 1870.

"Of Doctors and medicines we have plenty more than enough..... what you may, for the love of God, send is some large quantity of beer"
-Dispatch to London from the colony, New South Wales, 1854

"Everyone's got to believe in something, I believe I'll have another beer."
-W.C. Fields.

Q. In your opinion, what is the single most common error that I am likely to make, as a taxpayer?
A. In our opinion, that would be having ``light'' beer in your refrigerator.
- Dave Barry

"The More I Know About Beer, The More I Realize I Need To Know More About Beer!"
-Rob Moline, pro brewer

"Mmmmmmmmmm, beer."
-Homer Simpson

"Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life"
George Bernard Shaw

What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?
--W.C. Fields

"Bot we must drynk as we brew,
And that is bot reson."
-The Wakefield Master, Second Shepherds' Play

Give a man a fish, and he'll eat for a day; teach a man to fish, and he'll drink beer for a lifetime.
-unknown

Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
--Ambrose Bierce

Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
--W.C. Fields

I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
--W.C. Fields

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
--W.C. Fields

Life
is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all of the time and have the time of your life. I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy.
--Tom Waits

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
--Charles Bukowski

It's better to have beer in hand than gas in tank.
Life is too short to drink cheap beer.
--Dorothy Parker

Beer - it's not just for breakfast anymore
--Dorothy Parker

Beer: Nature's laxative.
--Dorothy Parker

Beer. If you can't taste it, why bother!
--Dorothy Parker

One more drink and I'd be under the host.
--Dorothy Parker

When
I heated my home with oil, I used an average of 800 gallons a year. I have found that I can keep comfortably warm for an entire winter with slightly over half that quantity of beer.
--Postpetroleum Guzzler, Dave Barry

My problem with most athletic challenges is training. I'm lazy and find that workouts cut into my drinking time.
--A Wolverine is Eating My Leg